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Articles & Opinions >>

  • D/s burnout, postscript: An aside about gender - You will note as you read the previous two posts that I have recorded people’s gender and d/s roles in their comments. That’s because years of sociological study of the scene have taught me that gender and BDSM roles overlap in some very complicated ways. As a mostly-dom woman who has mostly been in d/s … Continue reading
  • D/s burnout, Part II: What do we do about it? - Looking inwards, looking back: What people said they wished they’d done and known When I asked people what they wished they had done and known in retrospect, their answers were heartbreaking (and again, painfully familiar). There were common themes of (1) Lacking self-knowledge–both not understanding what they needed to be fulfilled as doms and subs, … Continue reading
  • D/s burnout, Part I: Explorations and Experiences - Introduction I was first introduced to the concept of d/s burnout in an instagram post a few months ago. The concept and phrasing was very new to me, but it vaguely resonated with me in a “I-think-that-might-explain-the-behavior-and-actions-of-people-I-have-been-in-relationships-with-and-others-I-know” kind of way. I have had a lot more conversations with a lot of people about it since then, but … Continue reading
  • The Art of Breaking Up - Goddess knows, I am no expert at the shitty art of breaking up with people; far from it. But I have a lot of confidence in my own good advice about breaking up that I’m just not amazing at following. Since my social network seems to be brimming these days with recent broken hearts and … Continue reading
  • On the vulnerabilities of dominants - Him: You’re going to get tired of making me ask permission to drink water. You don’t know how much I drink. Me: Oh, trust me, I know. And I’m not going to get tired of it. I have a confession to make: I find most 24/7 d/s relationships to be really boring. When I ask … Continue reading
  • Witnessing the Aftermath of the Battle of Richmond, 2020 - In July of 2000, I was 19. I was a freshly-minted not-virgin, and much of my summer felt like a classic coming-of-age film. Of particular note was the bizarre road trip adventure I took with a couple of strangers that eventually wended its way to downtown Richmond, Virginia. I grew up in North Carolina, in … Continue reading
  • Interview with Evie Lupine - Evie Lupine interviewed me about the academic side of BDSM for her YouTube channel. You can check out the video at this link. Enjoy!
  • Rope bottoming education videos! - It’s the apocalypse 2020! So I started making rope bottoming education videos, with the idea that you can keep training for rope even if you’re lacking in riggers. First video on Body Basics & Safety Second video on Stretches & Body Prep Third video on Managing Challenging Ties If you want the professional version of this curriculum, follow … Continue reading
  • Sorry, the BDSM subculture probably can’t solve vanilla consent problems… - As a consent crisis strikes at the heart of upper-middle-class America, I’m getting a lot of people from NPR to academics asking me hopefully if the BDSM subculture has the magic answers for all of their consent problems. They’re always disappointed when I tell them… No. If I was going to be honest, I’d tell … Continue reading
  • Advice: Should I Be Worried about the Violent Porn My Loved One Watches? - Question: “I found your website while trying to find and answer to the following question, which has been surprisingly difficult to get ANY real information on: Last month, I inadvertently found some VERY violent pornography among a loved one’s belongings — extreme stuff by any standard: mutilation, broken bones and torture, even hints of necrophilia … Continue reading

Personal Posts >>

  • Possession - There’s a dark part of me that craves you. Nothing so quaint as mere sexual desire: I want to feel your body subsumed into mine, and your will so thoroughly controlled that it doesn’t feel separate. I yearn for a conjoined moment that belongs utterly to me: an orchestra of tangled limbs and lips and … Continue reading
  • Soon - “Do you really have to go?” I whispered in his ear.  He smiled sadly. “Yes,” he said simply.  **** As soon as he got into my house and put down his bags, he knelt in front of me. “Are you going to do whatever I tell you to, slut?” I asked.  “Yes, mistress.”  Going through … Continue reading
  • Tell Me What You Want - Lying in bed beside you, I feel somehow furtive and playful at the same time. I can’t shake the sense that I’m still fantasizing about you, except now there’s a real face in front of me, with actual eyes staring back into mine. If I close mine, I half believe you’ll just disappear. I need … Continue reading
  • A parable - (this isn’t about sex. This is about bodies)   There once was a man who was an amazing dancer. He had always been an amazing dancer, someone who danced as easily as he breathed. But one day, for the first time in his life, he suffered a minor injury that kept him from dancing: he … Continue reading
  • Program/Video Links for Gruesical 4: A Musical Most Gruesome - This was the final Gruesical! It’s been a marvelous run, and tons of people helped make this madness happen. Thanks to @Ramblegrue for making everything possible, and thanks to everyone who joined me on this ludicrous journey. All the titles below are live linked to Xtube, so just follow the clicks! The main camera cut … Continue reading
  • Kinky people: please take and share my survey - Calling all kinksters! I am currently doing a survey of people in the BDSM subculture, and I would love for you–yes YOU–to take it and share it with your kinky pals. Here’s the link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/DN96W78 Yes, I am a real academic researcher. And this research has been approved by the Gallaudet University IRB.
  • Part 2: You are the best toy - him I wake up in the morning to the feeling of you sliding your pussy down onto my hard cock. This isn’t as pleasurable as it sounds. My dick is usually as hard as wood in the morning when I wake up, and about as sensitive. But I am happy to please you, and I … Continue reading
  • Part 1: Better than my hand - Preface: For the last couple of months, I’ve been toiling away on a novel that is erotic metafiction (it’s why I haven’t been blogging as much). Expect a much abridged version of the following exercise to make it’s way into the novel, as written by my main character. Part 1 gives you the day of … Continue reading
  • Check out my crazy kinky musical - At RambleGRUE 2016, I assembled a crazy and kinky crew to create the world’s second Totally Awesome Very Kinky and Sexy Musical. You can watch the whole thing online! Make sure to check out one of my favorite numbers, Everyone’s a Little Bit Kinky!     Gruesical 2: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way … Continue reading
  • Radio Podcast Interview–You can call in! - Tonight, March 6, the Slut will be interviewed on the People of Kink Radio at 7 PM EST! You can call in and ask questions: Call via Skype for free by using the Skype ID of “thepeopleofkink”. You can also call 231-580-TPOK. Long distance charges may apply. Check it out at https://www.spreaker.com/user/crazyheart  

Guest Posts >>

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