Articles & Opinions >>

• Sorry, the BDSM subculture probably can’t solve vanilla consent problems… - As a consent crisis strikes at the heart of upper-middle-class America, I’m getting a lot of people from NPR to academics asking me hopefully if the BDSM subculture has the magic answers for all of their consent problems. They’re always disappointed when I tell them… No. If I was going to be honest, I’d tell … Continue reading →
• Advice: Should I Be Worried about the Violent Porn My Loved One Watches? - Question: “I found your website while trying to find and answer to the following question, which has been surprisingly difficult to get ANY real information on: Last month, I inadvertently found some VERY violent pornography among a loved one’s belongings — extreme stuff by any standard: mutilation, broken bones and torture, even hints of necrophilia … Continue reading →
• Submission is masculine too - Valentine’s Day draws nigh, and we’re about to be treated to another installment of the 50 Shades movie and Christian Grey’s twu domliness (ignoring the inconvenient part where in the book his character was once a sub, because he was apparently underaged so it doesn’t count…). And of course he’s a dom. He’s a guy. … Continue reading →
• Sex toy review: Crescendo - A while back, a sex toy company called Mystery Vibe emailed me to ask if I’d be willing to review a product for them for my blog. I said, “Sure!,” cheerfully ignoring the inconvenient fact that I detest vibrators. So they sent me this fancy schmancy device called a Crescendo. Now your response right now might … Continue reading →
• Solicited Poly Advice: Primary Problems and Hierarchy Troubles - Much of the time I’m sufficiently opinionated that I just write unsolicited sex and relationship advice. But this time, someone actually asked a solid question and said I could answer it publicly. This person, who I’ll call Jo, had been to my poly architecture class and heard me make the claim that it’s ridiculously difficult … Continue reading →
• Halloween & Slut’s Pride - Every year I hear a lot of feminist rants about the sexual objectification of women from Halloween costumes. There’s no question that American women’s Halloween costumes are often just an excuse to wear lingerie in public in a (more-or-less) socially acceptable way. (Just in case you’re reading this and you’re not from America, here’s some … Continue reading →
• Gender, orgasms, and control: a femme dom rant - Him: I feel like my life has turned into a femme dom porn. Me: Except for the part where I’m actually sexually satisfied? Him: Yeah, that and the bathroom rules. Check the numbers. Guys in the divvy out to about 36% tops, 28% switch/kinkster, and 12% bottoms on fetlife. Chicks divvy out to about 11% … Continue reading →
• Meditations on anarchical poly - I’d be really disingenuous if I claimed that I have ever at any point in my poly life engaged in full fledged anarchical poly. My entire poly life, I’ve been happily married and sharing a bank account and living quarters with the same person. But at some point I got frustrated with purely hierarchical poly … Continue reading →
• Why Do People Do BDSM + Bonus Bondage - Back in the fall of 2015, I gave an academic-ish talk for a group called We Are Takoma. I threw in some bonus bondage performances as it was also an arts venue. The talk explains why people engage in BDSM. The bondage performances are a sexy bonus. The talk is by me The first performance … Continue reading →
• On How To Manage New Relationships - I mentioned in my earlier post on how to manage and deal with new relationship energy that people have a bad habit of cursing NRE (New Relationship Energy) when what they’re actually cursing is the fact of new relationships. It’s really tricky to separate out which one of these things is the “real” problem, especially … Continue reading →

Personal Posts >>

• A parable - (this isn’t about sex. This is about bodies)   There once was a man who was an amazing dancer. He had always been an amazing dancer, someone who danced as easily as he breathed. But one day, for the first time in his life, he suffered a minor injury that kept him from dancing: he … Continue reading →
• Program/Video Links for Gruesical 4: A Musical Most Gruesome - This was the final Gruesical! It’s been a marvelous run, and tons of people helped make this madness happen. Thanks to @Ramblegrue for making everything possible, and thanks to everyone who joined me on this ludicrous journey. All the titles below are live linked to Xtube, so just follow the clicks! The main camera cut … Continue reading →
• Kinky people: please take and share my survey - Calling all kinksters! I am currently doing a survey of people in the BDSM subculture, and I would love for you–yes YOU–to take it and share it with your kinky pals. Here’s the link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/DN96W78 Yes, I am a real academic researcher. And this research has been approved by the Gallaudet University IRB.
• Part 2: You are the best toy - him I wake up in the morning to the feeling of you sliding your pussy down onto my hard cock. This isn’t as pleasurable as it sounds. My dick is usually as hard as wood in the morning when I wake up, and about as sensitive. But I am happy to please you, and I … Continue reading →
• Part 1: Better than my hand - Preface: For the last couple of months, I’ve been toiling away on a novel that is erotic metafiction (it’s why I haven’t been blogging as much). Expect a much abridged version of the following exercise to make it’s way into the novel, as written by my main character. Part 1 gives you the day of … Continue reading →
• Check out my crazy kinky musical - At RambleGRUE 2016, I assembled a crazy and kinky crew to create the world’s second Totally Awesome Very Kinky and Sexy Musical. You can watch the whole thing online! Make sure to check out one of my favorite numbers, Everyone’s a Little Bit Kinky!     Gruesical 2: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way … Continue reading →
• Radio Podcast Interview–You can call in! - Tonight, March 6, the Slut will be interviewed on the People of Kink Radio at 7 PM EST! You can call in and ask questions: Call via Skype for free by using the Skype ID of “thepeopleofkink”. You can also call 231-580-TPOK. Long distance charges may apply. Check it out at https://www.spreaker.com/user/crazyheart  
• Intelligence is sexy - This Slut got strung up by the darling MonkeyFetish
• Interested in Bondage? Come down to Austin, TX! - The Slut (IPCookieMonster) will be one of the presenters and performers at an awesome bondage event called RopeCraft Feb. 19-21, 2016. For more information, check out: http://ropecraft.net/  
• Kinkycast Interview - The Slut (IPCookieMonster) was recently interviewed on the Kinkycast. Check it out!

Guest Posts >>

• Cracked.com: BDSM relationships - Along with several other folks, I gave an interview for Cracked.com on BDSM relationships.   You can also check out my book chapter on BDSM relationships here.
• On a Constitutional Right to BDSM - by J.M. Green   From the Slut: J.M. Green is a friend who very recently completed law school and was gracious enough to write a detailed explication of an extremely complicated case. Much appreciation!     Dr. Slut has asked me to weigh in on a recent case decided in Virginia. I’m both delighted and … Continue reading →
• You Deserve Respectful Sexual Healthcare - A guest post by Bianca Palmisano, founder and owner of Intimate Health Consulting. “The gynecologist assumed that because I’d had male and female partners within the last year, I was irresponsible somehow. And to top it off, she didn’t even know what a dental dam was, when I told her I’d been using protection.” “Even … Continue reading →
• Interview for WAMU.org - I was recently profiled on WAMU.org. There’s an article and audio. Capital of Kink
• Great Advice for Concerned Parents - Freaked out about your kid’s porn preferences? Chances are, they’re just kinky, not a future abuser. Dan Savage offers some great advice for parents who are worried about their kids. http://www.avclub.com/article/ethical-sadist-214995
• Wonderful Reference on Sexually Transmitted Infections - I hope this wonderful post becomes, err, viral on the internet: http://markmanson.net/std-guide
• I Call Bullshit On Your Anti-Blowjob Rant - The following is a parody of a rant I recently read on Cosmo.
• The Cheese Fetishist, Redux - The following is re-posted with permission from my brother-in-law’s blog, Confessions of a Hate Slut.